Saturday, April 2, 2005

bold confession

The previously mentioned Mr. X told me that he thought I should keep the tidbit I shared with him private for the time being because it would only serve to confuse people. He said that I "would not want people to get confused with the good insightful stuff you have there with the naughty/fun stuff. People tend to focus on the "naughty" and who knows what AOL prude may complain and ruin all the good stuff you have there."

Well if I haven't gotten in any trouble yet then I think that AOL is doing it's part for Freedom of Speech and intellectual freedom.

My thought is that we are made more human by our truths.

What I shared with him has little bearing on anything.  But I think my extreme honesty serves us in showing that we are all the same inside.  We all have doubts and things we'd rather keep inside for fear of rejection.  No one is too much different from anyone else.

My secret is that I have a specific fantasy for the purpose of self-pleasure.  I am not telling you this to titillate you.  I think that sexual fantasies are as common as houseflies.  I want to show that I am no more limited in thought than anyone else.  I think it is perfectly normal to be curious about people of the opposite sex... in this case, a heterosexual male.

Is that as clear as mud?  In the fantasy, I have been married (to a man) for many years.  It's day time.  We have kids, a home, responsibilities... and we make incredibly satisfying love in our bed.

Is that so strange?

Is it any stranger that I have a specific male (now unfortunately deceased) in mind in this idyllic event?

Heterosexual men and women ponder same sex relations on a greater scale than anyone cares to admit.  I don't think my musing is any different, it's just reversed from what eight or nine out of ten people imagine.

Now what is the big deal about that? 

Why should I hide anything?

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