a pot to piss in

Several years ago, a friend of mine from college came to Florida to visit and go camping.

Trish is a large, straight Christian woman.  She served in the Army.  She is built like a tractor-trailer.  You expect her to be some sort of superhero (She used to ski to school and  she boarded in an uninsulated barn.) but she is just as girlie as anyone else.

She had goals for our trip.  She wanted to camp on the seashore and she wanted to touch a manatee.  We first went to Blue Spring, a nice park north of Orlando.  That was pleasant.  We swam in the spring but the water was too cold for manatees.

We spent time bicycling and hiking around.

Then we went to the Cape Canaveral National Seashore.  As she checked in at the visitor station, I wandered outside and saw people standing by the water looking down.  I went to see what was going on and came running back to tell Trish I had found her manatee.

She peeled out of the building and joyfully bent to pat the humongous mammal while bystanders warned her that such an act was illegal.  Trish would have gotten arrested for it.

We found a spot on the white sands of the beach, pitched our individual tents and settled down to cook some dinner.

As the sun set, we retreated to our tents.  Soon there was a cry from her tent.  "I'm being bitten and I do not know by what."

"No-see-ums, Trish.  Close your tent screen."

"They aren't no-see-ums, I can see them."

"Trish, they are no-see-ums.  Zip up your tent!"

Apparently, they found her non-native flesh sweet and succulent because they continued to ravage her ALL NIGHT.

I instructed her to run out of her tent, into the fresh air and then into my tent, but she wouldn't do it. It would have been the solution to her problem but she was afraid they were filling the skies outside.

I got bitten, too, but not as badly.  I had dressed in long pants and sleeves to begin with.

Throughout the night she cried out to me in agony.  I talked her through it.  She refused to leave her tent.  She covered herself with her sleeping bag and suffered from the heat of her heavy winter bag.

I had brought the food and cooking gear.  My shiny steel cookware came in handy for me that night.  There was no holding it 'til morning.  I'd never been so grateful for something I just happened to have on hand.  I had visions of exposing my tender private parts to the evil cloud that assaulted my friend.  I didn't even mind the smell so much knowing the alernative to be far worse.

When I finally talked Trish out of her tent in the morning, she was covered in welts like a human Dalmation.  Here's your retired para-trooper, dowsing herself in my Rhuli-gel and telling me she's been through hell.

Lessons learned:

When in a different place than you are used to, ask a local what to watch out for and how to survive it if you encounter it.

When a local tells you to flee, flee. 

When you tour your home area with someone from away, advise them on proper dress and preventative behavior.

Always keep your First Aid Kit stocked with the right stuff and don't travel without sunscreen and bugspray if you can avoid it.

Not having a pot to piss in is indeed poverty.