(I couldn't get in to edit or add to the previous entry.)
I have been using imagery to pull myself back together, thanks to my Mr. X. It really is helping. My grief is coming to the point of settling down to liveability. I don't know why I needed this to get to a level place where I can accept that she has excluded me fom her life completely and that she is as unreachable as a corpse, but it does put it in terms I can understand. Whatever bit of spirit that blended us has gone on.
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I was thinking yesterday about what it was like in college. For months on end I was in an isolated environment, seeing the same people, doing more or less the same thing, never straying far from the campus. Then one day, I went with my off-campus friends to a grocery store. It was like Disney World. I scoped the cans on the shelves and reacted, "Look at all the pretty colors!" It was as though I had never been in a store before. I was in culture shock. I couldn't even zero in on any particular thing because there was so much to look at.
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Reflectivity is so much more chic (that's pronounced 'sheik' not 'chick', y'all) in the UK than it is here. The public service workers, cops, crossing guards... all have coats with wide reflective strips and they look rather dapper in their bright, bright greens and yellows. Americans are so very vain. They'd rather be hit by cars then look like a beacon. Just goes to show you yet again that older cultures are smarter than us.
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Have a lovely Memorial Day weekend.
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