journaling

Wednesday night

I don't feel much like writing.  I am online and just my friend dawg is on.  She is half my age but good to talk to.  Someone online complimented this journal.  That was nice...  I dont think it's so special.  I could do better and write much more.  I'm just lazy.

I'm happy that I'm not feeling compelled to write about (or to) V.   I'm getting her out of my system.  I think sending that letter, whether she got it or not, was good... for me at least.

So here's the deal: I'm in no way wealthy.  I own my car but have no other assets.  I work hard.  I'm lazy.  I'm creative and resourceful.  I'm not pretty... and I have a bad complexion, but people do not turn away in horror when they see me.

I pretty much know who I am and I do not have much baggage other than working poverty and a very interesting step-family.

I am loyal and loving.  My friends tell me that I am kind to a fault, to my own detriment.  But I am toughening up.  I'm more guarded, especially after V.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I have friends who I know are friends.  I enjoy talking to people online.

I know what love is.   I an coming to understand what it isn't. 

I have a friend in this town, two actually.  I am lucky to have found two other lesbians in this very church-going town.

The one close to my age is cute, petite, smooth and soft-spoken.  I like her very much and I'm not rushing anything with her.  If I had my druthers, and if this place was clean, and if I was that ballsy, I'd ask her over to cuddle!

The other is a grandmother, an intelligent woman who is very ill.  We can't seem to get ourselves together to hang out.  I wish that I could get both of these friends to meet.  I could kill two birds with one stone that way.

I enjoy meeting people online because if I can't hook up then maybe I can play match-maker.  It's so hard for lesbians to meet, especially in this county, in this state.  I want to get out more and meet women.  But where can you go that isn't a bar or a gay church (and thank God those things are available within an hours drive of here in either direction.) 

I have something to offer:   Sincerity.  Trustworthiness. Flexibility.  A loyal kind of Love.  And didI menion owning all six seasons of  Xena: Warrior Princess on DVD?!  Love that Gabrielle!

I adore animals and love to stay in bed.

Lately I have had notions of going to meet people I've met on line, and not for a game of tiddly-winks, either.  It's a good thing I have shyness stopping me from god-only-knows what kind of trouble.

I am attracted to intelligent, witty, gentle women.  And anyone in the know can tell you that I like a woman with some meat on her bones.  Although I would not discriminate if I found myself attracted to someone who is fit or even skinny.

My prerequisite for a relationship; they have to at least pretend that they like me.  Being a good kisser helps, too.

I don't like being called dirty names in bed.  If you wanna slap my ass as a surprise or lick champagne and strawberries off my body, well, I can go for that.  Nasty talk, on the other hand, just shuts me down.

I'm getting spacey and starting to crash.  More later!