Other people's grieving is on my mind today. However, I am in a selfish mood.
I think about Em. I put off two other women to be with her. I've lost track of the third one, the little cutie from Belize. But the other two, are still out there, and still seek me online from time-to-time. I'm glad they are there because I've never been so unsure before.
I burn and yet... I don't see "what I want" coming to me. "What I want" is always what I hear from my dates, my girlfriends. It's time that I asserted it for myself.
I want a woman to share my life with. Someone who can freely be with me. Someone who isn't in hiding from everyone. Someone who tells the truth. Someone who shows up when she says she will or let's me know why not before I am expecting her. Someone who likes touching me as much as she likes my touch. I want someone to cook with and to have verbal sparring with and to do passionate things with. I want someone to wake up with. (There's something so special about morning.)
I think, in short, I am looking for a clone of or someone very much like Virginia. But I am thinking they broke the mold on that one.
It's gonna take a long. long time to "win" Em. She has so much going on and I don't get to be part of her family until I somehow earn it. It's hard enough being so far away. Add to it that I can only be with her once or twice a month, if I'm lucky....
I ought to ask her for an open relationship. I ought to date other women. I can't bring myself to do it, though. I love tormenting her too much. She loves teasing me.
I can't help but think that I'm letting myself be used again. I'm getting enjoyed until something comes up.
She pushed me away once. If it happens again, I'm gone. I learned from the previous disaster. I won't mistreat my heart like that again.
But maybe I will ask her what her intentions are.
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4 comments:
A kiss is not a contract. I wholeheartedly endorse asking the woman her intentions, but more significantly, I suggest not throwing all the eggs into the one proverbial basket. Go shopping. Personally, if I haven't divulged critical financial information to a woman, there is no obligation or other commitment.
The use of the phrase "(i)t's gonna take a long, long time to "win" Em" is interesting: is this a battle or a lottery or a 50-50 raffle, in which you must buy a lotta, lotta tickets in order to try and slant the results your way? What's the prize? And is it really a prize, or one of those sneaky boobie prizes that look shiny, flashy and awesomely cool, until you get it home and realize that a) it doesn't work as advertised, b) they don't sell the batteries it needs in the United States and c), turns out, you coulda found one much more easily at Costco.
A kiss is not a contract. You're entitled to thump melons when shopping. Browse, inquire, experiment, contrast and compare, but don't buy unless absolutely convinced that this is the right, best, most satisfying decision. If you're looking specifically for a European cucumber, pickling cukes and a yellow pepper don't make up for it when that is what you really, really want. Naturally, it helps to know what one really, really wants.
Still...
A kiss is not a contract.
I hope you find your own Virginia. judi
I think you get a biased view of me from Judi as she is a very good heart/soul and only says kind things about me. I am quite sure she has her challenges living with me! LOL!
Peace, Virginia
oh girl! why do You have to "win: HER? you are a prize all on your own, if she can't see that, she isnt what you need! I know you "need" we all do, but you do'nt need to go begging from the blind. You need to be appreciated and loved for who you are! And you can and will be, keep looking.
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