Sunday, August 28, 2005

"They're coming to get you, Barbara!"

For laughs, I brought the movie classic "Night of the Living Dead" over to Ramona's house for the weekend.  When I told Ramona that I had it, she told me that Kelly, her oldest daughter can't stand the movie.  It must be true because resting beneath Ramona's book on toilet-training cats is a book that someone must have gifted Kelly with called, "The Zombie Survival Guide."  It's subtitle is "Complete Protection from the Living Dead."

The author is Max Brooks.  The back cover says it is available as an ebook.

Well, it has been a long, long time since I watched this movie.  The female lead must have gone to the same acting school as Burt Reynolds.  I hate these weak characters. 

I tell my straight women friends that they need to wear sensible shoes.                    Do they LISTEN?  No. 

I think it's perfectly reasonable to carry a flashlight, water, a blanket, a fire extinguisher and a first aid kit in your car. I also carry a tire pressure guage and a foot pump and well as a funnel, hand cleaner and jumper cables in my trunk.  I also have spare leashes from the animal hospital, a hat, a rain jacket and sunscreen.  Just about the only thing I don't stock and probably should is a Leatherman or Swiss Army Knife and some emergency rations.  A small spade is also a handy thing.

What's one of the first thing that happens to Barbara after the first zombie kills her dorky brother?  She loses her shoes.  In reality her feet would be a bloody mess after running through the woods to escape the persistent dead man.

Then she proves to be stupid and not maybe of very sturdy stuff.  Luckily a clever young man joins her in the house and has already figured out that you have to crush a zombie's head, or lop off it's head altogether, to get it to stop.

But if I've said it once, I've said it a million times: DO NOT GO UPSTAIRS.  Will you people please trust me on this one?  Unless you know there is something essential upstairs, like a bathtub full of water you can drink, or a rope ladder, keep your sorry self downstairs where you can get outside and away when you get the chance.

Barbara starts upstairs only to find a decaying corpse that, oddly enough, is still bleeding.  Eeeeewwwwwwwwww!  Grrrooosssss!

She doesn't react much or talk to the young man who is her means of salvation, but when she does, she freaks out.  Well, she lost my respect when she didn't help her brother fight the first zombie.  But she finally starts to wise up and helps the young man nail things to the windows and doors.

(disgusted sigh)

Carry a flashlight and sneakers when you travel.  Is that asking too much of you?

 

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