Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Monologues aimed at a feline companion

"Stop that!"

"What do you have in your mouth?"

"Is that really necesssary on the dining room table?"

"Are you insane?"

"Aaaiieeeee! Don't drop that, it's still wiggling!"

"Stay in the house, bad kitty."

"Get back in the house, bad kitty."

"What in the world are you staring at on the ceiling?"

"Ooof! Ugh. Did you have to land on my guts?"

"Have you seen the claw clippers?"

"Kitty wanna bath?!"

"I love you, but your breath...."

"Are you gonna hurl?"

and...

"Would you mind lobbing that onto the linoleum instead of the rug?"

"If people could do that, nothing else would ever get done."

"You're nothing but a foodstuff, you know."

"Wanna brushin'?"

"You didn't mow the lawn today, either."

"So it's all come to this: I'm being herded into the kitchen by a cat."

"Who's my little fuzzy-wuzzy?"

"Ouch!"

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Don't lick me!  I am not on the menu!"

"I hear you but where in the world are you?"

"Thanks.  I love dead lizards in my bed."

Oh, sure... you're all aloof NOW...."

"What do you want NOW?"

"C'mere, kitty, kitty."

"Who's tail is that and where is the rest of him?"

"Slow down!"

"And what would you like for dinner tonight?"

"I love you, kitty, kitty."

 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This sounds so familiar. We have similar "monologues" with Moose and Thor who, being canine, do seem to at least be listening to our entreaties. The cats seem impervious to any and all manner of address and won't engage in any conversation at all.

The dogs, tho, they'll make eye contact, tip their blocky heads this way and that, thump a tail and suddenly break into dogsmile at just the right time - all taken as proof positive that they are listening intently and, even better, understand what we're saying.

Moose listens better than the Kid does.

On occasion, I've heard myself talking to the dogs as if I expect a response from them (Did you have fun at Dave's, Moose?) and feel silly. But only for a moment. After all, how can anyone share space and air with another sentient being and not engage him in conversation, even if he speaks a completely different language?

Anonymous said...

=oD  Yea, Chris!

Anonymous said...

good one.... judi