on being planted, on being a plant OR it's not easy being green, but it's not that hard, either

http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/entries/1601

  Ya' know, when I was a kid, that was on a poster in the hall of my Sunday School.  It was "Bloom where you are planted" and I thought about it quite a lot.  To me, it meant to thrive whatever your situation, to make the best out of whatever you got. 

I was hoping I'd spring up and be as gloriously mature and happy as I aged as I thought my sister (five years older than me) and her friends were.   I'm still waiting to bloom, but maybe I have in someone else's eyes.   That poster's thoughts didn't kill me though.  As I grew from 13 to 30 on a patch of land full of wildflowers, native plants and tall pines, I thought less about being the image of someone else and more about standing tall and being strong and healthily "green."
 Each plant and tree was beautiful of itself and together the trees and shrubs and flowers complemented and complimented each other.
Have I bloomed where I was planted?  Well, ... some days I flow.  Some days everyone seems to adore me.  It's all about the others blooming around me though.  Without them, I can't see myself.  My co-workers, my buddies and even you show me myself.  You'd think that would be enough to lift me to a higher plane.  It should.

Now I have a younger sister, thanks to my father remarrying.  I watch her.  She's pretty and smart and so wise at 20 that she has advised me how to cope with some things.  Me!  Nineteen years difference in our ages.  Yet I see in her DOUBT and I wish that there was a magic remedy. 

She doesn't think she's pretty because she is big, I mean genetically healthily Germanically tall and full.  There's no Barbie doll in her.  Boys hit on her and she shrugs it off.  Her romantic experiences are just that to her.  I don't think she feels worthy and yet she can be so very stuck up. 

It hurts me seeing her doubt her worth. She has always had money, I never have had much.  That doesn't make any difference between us.  We both are valuable, loving people.  We are both "worthy" of everything.   We both have something to offer.

She can charm a crowd and seems to flow through a room like a fresh breeze, stopping to shine on each person in the room.  She holds court with this little group and that as I stand by, just awed by her ability not only to talk to anyone but to impress them.

Me, I don't do crowds.  I don't speak freely.  I will talk to people but if I'm not comfortable, I won't talk much. I am generally content to stand back and be helpful to the hostess.  If there's something to do as a group, I participate and add to the fun.  I know my presence is appreciated by those who know me because they tell me so.  People who don't really know me may have a negative perception and think me anti-social... until they are around me long enough to know that I'm just quiet, not stupid or totally boorish. 

I am somewhat boorish at times more as a reaction to superficiality than a result of ill-breeding.  I can't help it.  I own disdain for things that waste my time, like a smile and seeming interest when you can feel that the person attending you is not for real.  My feeling is if you don't like me and don't want to know me, leave me alone!  However, if you can see me and want to see more of me, come on over ... kick your shoes off.  Let's walk together.

When you meld with someone, when what you share seems to fill you, when it's as if you were creating flowers and trees, walking through a white page and leaving a trail of color...  Ahhhh.

That's when I feel myself open my petals.

 

 

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