I'm awake from a nightmare generated from a mistake. It was more like a vision because every time I knew I was waking from it, it kept coming back.
Last night at the kennel, I gave insulin to the wrong dog. I called the doctor and we tested the dog's blood and fed her puppy food laced with sugar (dextrose). The doctor took her to the emergency clinic for observation overnight.
It's a very bad mistake that I have never before made in the eight years that I've been at the clinic. It made me think that maybe it's time for me to resign.
My nightmare started as a dream of siblings in a house. One was in his room and not letting anyone in but I knocked and spoke softly and was allowed near. (I was one of the siblings.) The child was bloodied and bruised and raw in places. As the dream progressed of me trying to get this child to the doctor, the child became small and as fragile as the dried bones of a bird.
This dream didn't frighten me. It was my guilt chiding me, laying weights in my heart. The dog could have died. I have confidence that it will survive and probably not suffer too ill an effect (affect?)
Still....
I have to say that my people know me. When I told Cristy what happened via IM, she asked if I was okay. She already knew that the doctor and I had done everything we could for the dog. She also knows that I take things like this very hard.
And the doctor... she has no notion of firing me.
I thought about the resignation, then I thought about the employees who come and go at the hospital. I thought about how quick I was to call the doctor and how responsibly I own my mistakes.
Yeah, I f***ed up pretty big. Yeah, I feel awful about what may yet happen to the dog, to the owner and to the doctor.
The hospital will eat the cost of emergency care. I feel pretty bad about that, too.
I kept trying to find out who had done the damage to the child in the awful dream. The child wouldn't say, even as it became as fragile as paper.
I know now it was me. It was me who hurt my animal brother.
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3 comments:
oh, this is a tough one for you. Everybody is human, we all make mistakes. You handled it the very best way you knew how and got the vet. I would think that the vet would be so glad that you involved them immediately. You are a caring and concerned person...... it would be a shame for them to lose you because of this one thing.
Just my thoughts. Consider yourself hugged. judi
Thank you. Thank you VERY MUCH, Judi. It turns out that they don't want me to resign anymore than I do.
My silly little four to six hours a month means something to me. I love being with the dogs. I understand them. And some of the most wonderful cats you ever saw board in our cat ward. The office mascot is a grey Persian named Duffy. Our other hospital cat is a mottled short-haired calico named Ellie Mae. Duffy knows he's the boss. Ellie's specialties are knocking things off the counters and sleeping in the doctor's chair. Fortunately, the doctor is very petite and they fit together nicely in the chair....
I agree with Judi. I understand how devastated and terrified you must have felt, but the dreaded "crap happens" is true. None of us are perfect. My dog is diabetic, and I give her insulin injections twice a day~12 hours apart. One morning my husband gave her the shot (usually I have to ask him to give the injection if I want him to), and he forgot to tell me. I awoke, and I followed usual routine and gave poochie her shot. It was not until she had a nasty seizure that we realized we had both given her insulin. Oh my God. I was desperately upset. I was so sure we would lose her, and I did not think I could bear that. All turned out well, and we came up with a way to know~even if one of us is not at home~if her shots have been given. It was scary, but it was the only time in about five years of dealing with her injections that we have ever made such a mistake.
I am sorry you had to go through that worry and fear. But your loving and caring presence there would be missed if you left. And that would be a crime.
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