Wednesday, March 23, 2005

another layer of heartache

One of those days when all a girl can do for consolation is go buy a box of cookies.  Actually misery is marked with uber no-nos... Bluebird Snowballs, cream-filled chocolate cupcake surrounded by a marshmallowy coating and sprinkle with coconut.          Sin and degradation!

The day started out good.   I went to breakfast with M2.  It was nice to see her, though our schedules are frustrating our efforts.  I thought when I got home... Hey, her office door closes... wonder if she can have guests at work?

Then I spoke with my online friend, who was owning up to feelings and fears.  The conversation may have heralded the end to the whole thing, though I hope it isn't so.

Damn.

Then I went into the county seat to see my parents and to submit a job application for the main library.  I went to Dad's and ended up spending hours with my step-mother running errands, including a pass within yards of Vs house in the next county.

That didn't help.

My step-mother babbled on about memories and Easter plans and hurricane damage. I just humored her and wished I was feeling up to confiding to her how I am feeling and why I am feeling this way.

I am ready to give my love to someone capable of receiving it.  The search for her, though... OUCH!

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