moving on or staying still

So I schlepped to the interview. I wasn't nervous... until I sat down before the interviewers.

When questioned I answered off the top of my head.  I spoke fast.  I sometimes stopped myself I was talking so much and asked them... "What was the question?"

Gawd, I dunno.  I want this job.  If I don't get it, I will be no worse off but I won't be any better off and I will dispair.  I will have a renewed interest in trying to find a life again.

My life is good but it can be better.  I need benefits and I sure as hell am not going to get them staying in one place.  I also have a hope of continuing my education but I have put it on hold for so long that it seems like a distant and fading dream.

All I can do know is pray and quite literally, I have been praying.

My hope is that I am the last person they interviewed.  The last on stage is always thought to be the best.

I don't know if I sold myself enough.  The final question was why are you the best person for the job.  Oi.  I gave them my virtues but I should have said more.  I'm older and more experienced than younger people who are applying.  I'm sharper and more energetic than older people who are applying.

I certainly believe that I have what they need but what if I'm not what they envision.   What if I didn't smile enough or look them in the eyes often enough.

I imagine myself to be suffering now. If I miss this, I really should reduce my hours and use the time to search for work elsewhere.

I need to be vital to my workplace and I am at the branch library.  I perform functions you'd never expect.  I WD-40 the bookdrop lock mechanism, I remove creatures from the premises interior,  I boost morale, I am kick-ass at customer service, not hiring me would be... regrettable.

Still, I cannot hold me breathe but I need change.  I need to be human and get time off and paid vacation and all the lovely human things that we all deserve.

I can't stand be adulated but not compensated fairly much longer.