full of people

That's the gift of my 40th birthday.  I haven't been truly alone all weekend. 

I went to Cristy's Friday night, Saturday after work I picked up Joey and went to Dad's where my sister and brother-in-law were waiting.

We sat down to a lovely dinner and had a nice conversation.

I'm letting Joey get to know me better the hard way.  She doesn't know about my journal... yet.  Joey is a chatty surrogate for my Em, who I hope to see this weekend.  It's nice to have a buddy, but I miss being wrapped in Em's embrace. 

Heck... I miss being held, touched... I might not even be so picky who's doing it.

I took Joey home and I noticed my friend Carlos in the laundry room behind her apartment.  Instead of going to see him, I ran around to Joey's and called her out to meet him, then ran back around with her.

I love Carlos.  He is so sweet.  He was a journalist in Columbia.  Here he teaches Spanish to International Baccalaureate students and also works for a metropolitan newspaper.

He was relating his difficulties finding love, telling us about going to Miami and Orlando.  Joey told him to stop. I don't know if he really listened.

Last year at the PrideFest in Palm Beach County, he told my friend Lisa and I that he wished he was a lesbian.  Men aren't interested in settling down.  And he is a cute little package but fellows in this area just aren't interested in him.

Poor Carlos.  He should have been a woman. He's so sweet. 

This morning I got a note from a sweet friend with a simple but wonderful birthday message.  At my age, aside from clothes and useful gifts, just being reminded that I am loved is the greatest gift there is.

And I said Hi via IM to Judi Heartsong before she jetted off on her morning mission.  You know,  Judi...  the way you build our suspense... it's just wicked!

"What is she up to now?"

Well, I didn't ask but you know she's aflutter. 

 

I can't help thinking that it was just a few days from today this time last year that I got dumped.  Though it doesn't hurt anymore and the only time I remember her is when I realize I'm not thinking about her, I can't help remembering the events of the day and the feelings I had.

I have been grateful to know she is smiling now.  That really helped me relax.  It was what I needed because her face was so long and tragic the last time I saw it.  It broke my heart... and then she called and broke my heart.  My legs became lead and I would have given anything to have a bench right there where I stood (in a public place) when she told me over the phone that she needed to end our relationship.

Now I'm glad.  I'm naive.  I am glad that she turned me loose.  She cared about me, but she didn't love me.  She had so much going on.  I would have stood by her all the way.  That's okay. It taught me some things and helped me realize some truths in my life.

I wish we were talking today.  I would thank her for my freedom. 

Okay, enough from my stream of consciousness this morning.  I think I'm going back to sleep....