Why my life is good...

I woke up around 5 a.m. to the sound of a drizzling rain on the skylight.  I fired up my computer and saw that I had new mail.

The new bits were messages from Cristy.

I don't know how I happened to score her sweet and honest affection but it is one of the very best things in my life.

I wrote once about how many times in my life I have been "in love."  I have written about people I love.

I haven't written about how many times I have been loved, without condition.

I don't honestly know. I'm thinking none of them were lovers... but I'm almost tempted to add one more to the list.

Read the comment on the previous entry.  It's gold.  Somebody does love me. 

That's as good as it gets.

yin, yang and my foolish heart

sometimes

lives intertwine

for no good reason

or so we think

there are no guarantees

that we will make sense

not all the time

 

I learned a few things about my last love tonight.  I hurt, I rejoice, I wish I was at peace.  She must be.  I am a by-gone nothing to her.  I wish I could get her out of my system once-and-for-all.

There are times when you can't make it on your own.  This must be another of them.  Oh, for the resources to have a professional counselor.

Wherever... whatever...  more power to you!!!   You go, girl! (No, I'm not talking to myself.)

I-BU-PRO-FEN

OK, OK, Cristy, YOU WIN!

I went to see the doctor about my aching shoulder, neck and head.  What did he give me?  ADVIL.

Are you happy now????

I knew that I was wasting time and money, damn it.  $59.20 to tell me what I knew... that it would eventually go away....  Dogs!

It's just that I hadn't been in such pain...  I can't remember ever aching so.  (I'm sure I have but I tend to block out unpleasantness.)  So I took some and after a while my back started feeling like lead.  After work, I went to the grocery store and suddenly felt an urge to goose a grocery BOY. 

The stuff might be dangerous.

He was just a cute kid.  And like Library Lisa says, we can appreciate male beauty....

touching base

IMed with two friends tonight.  It made me feel good.  Thanks!

Aunt Cracker

When I say "Cracker"... this is what I mean. The first cattlemen in Florida were called "crackers" by the indians because they used the crack of whips to direct the cows. That's where it comes from. Just thought I'd share.

not who they seem

I watched the movie "Kinsey" a few nights ago.  Great cast, cool story about the man who surveyed American sexual habits and attempted to bring us out of the dark ages in regards to sexual knowledge.

Cast: Liam Neeson, Laura Linney, Peter Sarsgaard, Chris O'Donnell, Oliver Platt, John Lithgow, Tim Curry, Timothy Hutton, etc.

What did I like about it?  Well, to be honest I had watched several other movies outside of my ususal genres before I fired this one up.  Two of them were horror movies that as far as I could see were the same movie, really.  You know, demonic killer snatches bodies and keeps on killing. (C-r-a-p.)

And I watched "Collateral."  You know I don't like Tom Cruise, but I found I could stand him in this one.  He was subdued.  He was actually acting and not just strutting.  I don't think Jamie Foxx was all that he can be, but then again, you don't get parts like "Ray" everyday.

Anyway...

"Kinsey" was good.  No car chases.  No guns.  Just revelation about a man who was driven to change the world for the better.  He showed that there were many ways to express yourself and that absolute heterosexuality is not as common as you might think.

And that's OK.  So get over yourself.

Just a little more

I've had this pain for several days... don't know what it is.  Finally made an appointment with a doctor.  Yesterday, however, it was intense.  Moving in certain ways meant sharp, instant pain.  I wanted to give up.  I wanted to go sit down.  I wanted to ask the manager to let me go home, but I heard the voice; "Just a little more." 

I don't hear voices as a rule.  It's not an audible voice.  It's a thought in my head that seems to come from somewhere else.  I think if people were more honest, they'd admit that sometimes they seem to be guided by the unseen.

I've heard this before.  My mother had died and I got up to go over to the school where I volunteered.  However, when I got to the end of the driveway, I went and sat on the edge of the pond.  I was sad.  I didn't want to do anything.  I wanted to disappear, to implode.  And then something seemed to whisper insistently into my ears, directly into my heart, "Get up, baby, and go to school."

Every now and then, when I want to fold, something pushes me on.

What or who... well, it may be the love that has left me reminding me that it really hasn't.

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