over-stimulation

There are too many things to write about tonight.  For starters, I really should protest more about being included in the shots Sunday night.  I was exhausted and felt half-alive this morning at work.  It made the whole day hard.  I drink water, take Tylenol and eat breakfast in the morning and hang-overs don't bother me, but the lingering dullness in my head and sinus trouble... they bother me. 

Then I have women on my mind.  New ones, older ones, lost ones... and even my mother.  Today I made out a library card for a woman born in 1917.  She looked great.  There's no telling how life is going to go.  My mother died in 1996 at the age of 67.  She was too young.  Her life could have gone differently.  You never can tell.  I have seen people in their late 80 and 90s still motoring around and independent and looking fab.  Older than my mother would be.  I take some comfort in the old quote, "The Lord thy God is a jealous God."  And I see an old couple that comes into the library.  The woman is in much the same state as my mother was.  You better believe I go out of my way to help them, and unlike most people, to talk to her, because she barely can..

Today a lady, probably in her forties, came into the library and claimed forgetfulness.  She said, "I have half-zheimers."  (Don't most all of us?)

Then there were many things to think about.

I often think about trying to contact V or her best friend P, to see how they're all doing.  It's hard to deprive yourself of knowledge of people you love.  I wish I had a choice.

I told C that V has said that she didn't like L.  C replied that she didn't like V. (Unspoken meaning from C, "V broke your heart J, you ought to let her way the hell go.")  Unfortunately my brain is not in charge of this.  There's no rhyme or reason to love.  Pathetic, aren't I?  What a fuckin' sap.

OK, then I was thinking about having to introduce my cat to someone's elses in a hypothetical living arrangement that will probably never transpire.  But I thought that what I know about it would be helpful to someone who is bringing a new animal into the home.  Here's what you do: Keep the new cat separate from the other pet for a period of two to three days and give extra attention to the other pet(s) who are already in the home.  This can be achieved by keeping the new pet in a kennel in the house so they can see and smell each other.  If you don't have a kennel (a glorified cage), set up the cat in another room with the dor closed.  Allow the animals to get accustomed to the presence of the other(s).  Then slowly introduce them.  Be ready to have to put the new critter back away from the other(s).  Allow the animals to check each other out and get used to the new life. 

Then I was thinking about the definition of "jaded."  (Cynical, fatigued by overwork or abuse.)  Yeah, I guess I am that somewhat.  Tired, frustrated, keep finding myself kicked in the guts.  I envy the happiness of other couples.  When do I find my Virginia or Theresa or Ali or Tish or Derek?  Do I ever?  All I can say is that I hope I never get too far gone that I can't take care of housepets.  Dogs and cats may be what gets me through to the jumping-off place.

And then, I keep mulling over what YK said about critiquing things.  In a way, I am doing that already in my writing.  I wonder.  I try not to put people down.  I should point out that if you don't actually see something in print from me, you should not assume what I think.  I might say something you take as disparaging but it does not mean that I have written the object of the comment off.  I try not to be negative, because even the worst of us have some good point.  It bothers me that we add more to each others thoughts with our own prejudices.

I wonder if what I say makes you think or is just opening the curtains onto my world for you.

It reminds me of something I learned from my Dad:  "There are three sides to every story; yours, mine and the facts."  That has been an important piece if wisdom that I have carried with me through my life.

This evening I went to another meeting of the community enhancement group that operates under the auspices of the health department.  This was a really good meeting.  We had people come from Wabasso (Waa-baw-so, accent on the baw) to tell us about what they achieved.  It was a big help.  I get discouraged because I am often so tired and do not have as much as I would like to have to give to this group, but then I go and progress is coming and I start to feel like maybe it's worth it to be persistent and consistent in spite of my weariness and lack of time.

OK, that's my report for tonight.