No dope

I promised a friend, P, that I would not smoke dope.  My history with the stuff is very small.  I did it in college just a few times. I did it once in  2003. I did it maybe two or three times last year with someone I was seeing. Then P asked us to stop and I said I would and I did.

The woman liked the things I would say when I was high.  I told her she was safe with me, that I would stay by her side.  I would have, too, had she allowed it.  I told her all the more how much I loved her.

And the stuff would swirl to the top of my head and hit the depression and make my head heavy.  "That's a bad trip," the woman said.

I have enough to deal with.  I need to stay responsible.  As a kid in college, it numbed my pain and numbed my hands.  As an adult, I want my hands ready for whatever comes.  I want to deal with my emotions head-on.  When my heart literally hurts,  I know I'm alive.

Smoking pot isn't cool; being real is.