can't sleep

Why not?  I'd like to.

I took my car to the shop today to get a replacement on that wide piece of trim between the windows (sorry, I forget the correct word that describes it.)  While I was there, they told me that I need all kinds of things that add up to $1,200 in repairs.  Fabulous. 

I don't make that much money in a month.  I owe $10,000 and I make $18,000 a year.  Je suis "fucked."  I don't have help from the folks or any assets to cash in. I am so screwed.  My only hope is to take the car to the independent mechanic who I literally live within a few hundred feet of and hope that he can sort it out and save me and my car.

When you experience depression, things like this can really get to you.  To make matters worse, after I left C's house she IMed to say I had an oil leak... a big one.  F***!

How the hell....  Some days you just don't know if anything is worth it.  What am I supposed to do?

I don't have much at all and now I am going to be reduced to even less and stranded in this little town with a bicycle.  Thank god I still have my bicycle.  I hate crossing the highway without benefit of something these people might be slightly afraid to hit.  I hate being sweaty and wind-blown when I arrive somewhere.  I hate the waste of time... I hate not being able to be self-sufficient. 

I am not the kind of person who would ever ...

it just occurred to me that I know a lawyer's wife.  Maybe I need to talk to him.  I don't want to do anything like declare bankruptcy and fuck up my chances of getting any clout at a bank ever again.  But if I'm going to ruin my life... I need to do it before the rules change.

There has to be another way. I always thought that jail might actually suit me somewhat.  I could probably handle being somebody's bitch... and having health care and three regular meals a day.

I don't know what to do. 

I am open to suggestions. 

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