February 26, 2005

What can you expect from a day that starts with the water pressure dropping to nothing while you are conditioning your hair?

That made me late for work but I was grateful to have gallon jugs of water around.  I need to remember to replace them.

I came home for lunch and found two neighborhood boys standing around the railroad ties in my front yard...  they had broke the old ties up and splayed them around to suit themselves.

"What are you doing?"  The reply: "Looking for lizards."  The response: "What you are doing is vandalism and if I see you in my yard again I will call the sheriff."  They blew out for home at mention of the authorities.

Poor kids.

I am blue, anyway.  Loneliness is eating at me, especially since that incident with M.  I wonder if she can forgive me for doing what I felt necessary.  Maybe I didn't give her a chance.  She just made me feel so unhappy the previous night, with her diatribe about how I should live.  And I was wary after intimacy.  I am not sure we are compatible enough.  Maybe it was just too early.  What have I done?

Do I want another chance?  She is very bossy.  And she seems to be hiding herself from people who love her.  I have problems with these things.

I often think about going out to the gay bars in St. Lucie County.  I usually refrain though.  I am often depressed after a night there.  It's only fun if you go with friends.  I watch other people dancing and laughing.  I am not the sort to approach a stranger. And after you've seen a few drag shows, the novelty fades away.  (Especially after seeing the same queen's routines year after year.  Love you, Kelli.  Nothing personal.)

I also think about checking out one of two opportunities to go to an MCC, but Sunday is such a good day for resting as God intended.  I find hypocrits in every church.  And maybe people at MCCs are just as suspicious of you and possibly more so than a regular church.

I had a crazy thought today.  "Talk to V."  Then I thought, "No, that is crazy.  She doesn't want you around."

The good thing today is that one of my friends wrote to say she has a date. Way to go, girlfriend!  Hope it goes well for her.  She needs something really good in her life (in addition to her son.)

I brought home my air tank to fill the water pump but found that someone had already been here.  Things started to look up.

I am not sure but I think I may have lost the friendship of the very helpful racist nudist next door the night that I had M (in the carnal sense.)  She cried my name, loudly and repeatedly.  (I prefer unverbalized gasps, moans and cries.  At least the neighbors can have some doubts then.)  If he talks to me over the fence again, I'll know we're okay.  If not, I'm going to have to bother my landlord more often.

Dick (that's what they call my neighbor) has always be kind to me, especially when I need help.  But he is definite about who he likes and doesn't like.  I think my name may have moved from one list to the other last week.

Alas!